Becoming
School started today – the laziness and freedom of summer regretfully giving way to evenings of homework and defined schedules. It’s a blessing and a curse for parents and kids alike, but this morning came whether we were ready for it or not. A surprise to my wife and me, apparently our 6 year old was not.
All summer we’ve been anticipating the start of first grade. Her older sister had so bravely led the way (a stunning, young fourth grader now) and today marked the day of Anna’s first step into el-ed adulthood (OK…you gotta think like a 6 year old). She was up early, dawning her new purple polo shirt and khaki shorts, packing her brand new pencil box and crayons into a never-before-used backpack (that matched her shirt and shoes, of course), and joyfully bounding into the backseat of the mini-van for our inaugural drive to school.
The classroom was alive with life. Ornery six year olds in “just-off-the-hangar” clothes intermixed with parents taking pictures, meeting the new teacher, and giving last-minute kisses goodbye. And there was my Anna, smiling in all her first-grade glory, giving me a hug and a wave as she sat down to color the picture on her desk. All was right with the world as I headed down the hallway and off to work. That is, until I heard panicked screams and fear-filled footsteps chasing me down the corridor.
Evidently, the moment I stepped through the threshold and out of site, reality hit. She was alone, left with a teacher she didn’t know and kids she had yet to reconnect with, set to encounter her “great unknown” of a full day of school all by herself. As I stared into the very real fear in her eyes, my own heart broke.
As a daddy, I wanted nothing more than to put all her fears to rest. To scoop her up into the safety of my arms and take her back to the familiarity of the known. To remove every bit of anxiety and discomfort from what she was experiencing. To make her journey painless and smooth. But I knew in that moment the best thing for her was not going to be the most comforting. The only way for her to move forward was walk through the very thing she dreaded the most.
Now I know you’re not in first grade (although if you are, I’m very impressed with your reading comprehension), but in some way don’t you identify? (for the sake of the next two paragraphs just say yes) Aren’t we all guilty of assuming that God’s perfect path for our lives will somehow be without obstacles, without risk, without pain, without discomfort? In the end, I’m becoming more and more convinced that God’s will may be more about who I am becoming than what I am doing. Growth requires resistance, pain, and sometimes even death. And sometimes those transformational experiences aren’t just on the journey to God’s will…sometimes they are God’s will.
As I stood in the hallway with my sobbing daughter this morning, I wanted nothing more than to take all her fear and anxiety, to make everything OK. But the best thing for Anna on her journey to becoming was to walk, not back to the comfort of the known, but through to the other side.
We worship a Heavenly Father that also loves us enough to allow us discomfort, because it’s often in the resistance that we become who He wants us to be. But unlike my human fatherly limitations, even when God seems to be missing, He’s always there. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut. 31:6)
So let’s keep walking. |
